Masculine & Feminine Side

by John and Micki Baumann

The Masculine-Feminine Polarity

The Masculine Side:

The masculine side deals with the strength of the self. It is what causes you to act either timidly or self-confidently. The thing that is most important in determining the strength of the masculine side, is the value that you, at a deep level, place on yourself. This is a value you know within yourself that you have really and truly earned. It could be thought of as a sort of self esteem. Placing a high value on yourself affects your whole being and helps you feel strong and confident in operating your life. And when can operate your life with confidence, you get more out of life.  Things can really turn around for you, and this automatically makes you place a higher value on yourself. You can build the masculine side through progress and small wins, through positive reinforcement, by practicing, and by generally taking an active part in operating your life.

If you have a strong masculine side, you are in charge of your own life because you are internally controlled. You tend to look people in the eye. You stand straight, and you usually command attention when you walk into a room, whether you say anything or not. This happens because of the strength within. If you have a weak masculine side, you also have a lot of doubts. You doubt yourself, your abilities, your capability to do things. Things intimidate you and you don't move forward well. You are afraid to put yourself out there because you know you are going to fail, so you don't even try to accomplish things. If you have a weak masculine side, you often feel the need to show off your attributes and accomplishments, whereas if you have a strong masculine side you are self-confident, and don't feel it is necessary to show off.

The masculine side is full of things that you have to be strong and self-confident in order to do. These include being able to claim your basic rights, such as the right to feel free to operate independently of others, and the right to belong or fit into society in any way you please. Claiming your rights also includes being able to stand up to people who try to take away your rights, either by force or intimidation, or by manipulation, or by trying to hinder you in choosing your own direction in life. The masculine side also includes the ability to be decisive, to take risks when appropriate, and to focus intently and concentrate in order to get things done. In addition, a strong masculine side builds common sense, which helps you figure out how to accomplish things and get more of what you want out of life. This includes figuring out how to operate your life in a responsible manner, how to reason without distorting reality and without fooling yourself, and how to accurately weigh probabilities so that you know the most likely outcome to expect in situations you come across.


The Feminine Side:

Like the masculine side, the feminine side is also based on a value. But instead of a being a value you place on yourself, the feminine side is based, at the same deep level, on a value that you place on others. It could be thought of as a sort of "other esteem". This value affects your whole being. If you have a strong feminine side and place a high value on others, you are often giving and unselfish. You usually know what is good for people, and you tend to operate in ways that helps others get what they want out of life. You happily let people operate their own life without interference from you, but when asked, you are also willing to help by supporting, cooperating, and giving advice. People feel comfortable with you because you give of who you are without pushing yourself on others. If you have a strong feminine side, people also feel comfortable being around you because there is no selfishness for them to detect.

If you have a weak feminine side, you place a low value on others, and you are not a giving person. Instead, you are selfish and greedy, and tend to keep yourself closed off from people. You are isolated because you don't want to share of yourself, or share anything you have. Also, you don't take responsibility for yourself, but blame others for your problems. Although the feminine side is generally not as well understood as the masculine side, the negative or selfish aspect of a low feminine side is something almost everybody recognizes, especially in others. In fact, it may be the most easily recognizable characteristic of all, because of the element of discomfort involved in being around a selfish person. If someone has a weak feminine side, it could also be said that he has a strong "dark side" (the evil or negatively motivated side). In someone with a strong dark side, there is usually an imbalance in which the feminine side is very weak, while the masculine side is much stronger.  In the extreme situation where a person has an almost nonexistent feminine side, he will often act in ways that could be considered evil in nature, because he acts only on his own behalf, and does it to such an extent that he doesn't care how much his actions hurt others in the process.

If you have a strong feminine side, you often behave in ways that are considered feminine in nature. You do things that you have to be giving and unselfish in order to do. This includes recognizing people's basic human rights and allowing them to operate their life without interfering with those rights.  For example, allowing them the freedom to operate independently, and the freedom to fit into society wherever and however they want, even the freedom to let people choose when to face up to reality and when to be in denial.  Allowing people their basic rights includes letting them control their own life, letting them choose what to believe without being manipulated by you, and letting them choose their own path or direction in life without hindrance from you. The feminine side also includes having an enthusiasm and zest for life, and recognizing what things are worth getting enthusiastic about. And it includes having the persistence and tenacity to stay with something until it is finished, while still knowing when to give up on it if your energy is better used elsewhere. In addition, the feminine side also includes being kind, compassionate, patient, responsive to the needs of others, and it includes the ability to limit the amount of energy you put into helping people, to keep from hurting yourself or draining your own energy.


The Balance:

The masculine/feminine or yin/yang balance is extremely important, almost more important than how much you have grown as a person. Even a less evolved person, if he is balanced, treats others the same way he treats himself. And that is what balance is all about. If the masculine side is much stronger than the feminine side, you tend to be pushy and take unfair advantage of people. On the other hand, if the feminine side is much stronger than the masculine side, you tend to let others take advantage of you, and you become a doormat for people. How can you tell which side is stronger for you? The balance between fear and anger in your life is a good indication. If the masculine side is stronger than the feminine side, you tend to feel anger more easily than fear. The greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will feel unjustly treated by others, and the more easily you will become angry and aggressive with them, because you have an unrealistically high opinion of your own rights compared to those of others. Conversely, if the feminine side is stronger than the masculine side, you tend to feel fear more easily than anger. The greater the imbalance in this direction, the more easily you will feel you are treating others unfairly, and the more easily you will become defensive and fearful, because you have an unrealistically low opinion of your own rights as compared to those of others.

Rights: The masculine side determines in general how you feel about your own rights, while the feminine side determines how you feel about the rights of others. If the masculine side is stronger than the feminine side, you tend to think of your own rights as being stronger or somehow more valid than the rights of others. This means you will slant those rights in your own favor and will sometimes take advantage of other people's rights, depending on the extent of your masculine/feminine imbalance. Conversely, if the feminine side is stronger than the masculine side, you tend to think of other people's rights as being stronger or somehow more valid than yours. This means you are likely to give up some of your rights in order to give someone else more than his rights actually entitle him to, and consequently you will sometimes be taken advantage of.  If you have a good balance between your masculine and feminine sides, you will generally exercise your own rights when you want, but you will also allow others the full measure of their rights.

The Balance and Greed: If you have an imbalance toward the masculine side, that is, a stronger masculine than feminine side, it means you place a lower value on others than on yourself. This often shows itself as greed, a form of selfishness, and a natural consequence of this kind of imbalance. Greed produces the desire to want more than your fair share of things. It is wanting things at the expense of others. A greedy person usually makes his gains by exploiting others. Greed is the opposite of generosity, since generosity results from wanting everyone to have enough of everything. Greed is a form of selfishness, and is one of the ways that an imbalance shows itself.

Sexuality and the Masculine/Feminine Balance: The stronger the masculine side, the stronger is your sex drive, and the more aggressive you are sexually. The stronger the feminine side, the more giving you are sexually.  Also, the stronger the feminine side, the greater is your capacity to really enjoy sex when the circumstances are right.  This is why selfish people generally don't enjoy sex very much. So it can be seen that the best lovers are people whose masculine and feminine sides are both strong.

The Historic Dominance of the Masculine Side: The masculine side is the side that everybody knows and understands. All through time, people have had to develop the masculine side in order to be able to survive and thrive in the physical sense. Many books have been written about developing the self esteem and self-confidence of the masculine side. There have also been many "success" programs such as Scientology, Est, Lifespring, etc. These programs develop the masculine "I can do it" attitude, and they are effective as far as they go. They are good for people with a stronger feminine side and a weaker masculine side, because what they teach helps that kind of person achieve balance. But for people who are balanced in this way, or who already have a strong masculine side, these programs often create an imbalance, or add to an already existing imbalance. This is because they develop the masculine side while ignoring the feminine. And it is precisely because the feminine side has been largely neglected, that the masculine side is so much better understood.

Dominance of the Masculine Side in Business: Business has always operated from the completely masculine concept of the bottom line, and not from the feminine concept of existing in order to do what is good for people by benefiting those it serves. The desire to be powerful has had a large part in this, and has led to a tolerance and even encouragement of the idea that power over others in small but insidious forms is acceptable, especially where money is concerned. And money is power, in the sense that, if you have money you can buy the time of others and have them do your bidding. This completely masculine orientation has kept almost all businesses from operating in a balanced way that could be good, not only for the bottom line, but also for the people served by the business.

Liberation and the Developing Masculine Side in Women: In recent generations, since women started to work in business and hold down jobs, they have had to work hard to develop the masculine side and become stronger.  In general, this has helped them grow and achieve a better masculine/feminine balance, even though at times it has happened at the expense of the feminine side.  Liberation has taught women to be strong and stand up for their rights.  This has gone a long way to change the old traditional viewpoint in which the man was the boss and the woman was the slave.  The problem is that men have not undergone a comparable change to develop their feminine side, and this leaves most men with a greater imbalance than most women.  Women are coming into balance, but men are still left with a stronger masculine side and a weaker feminine side.  This is the reason why countries would be better off if they were run by women instead of men.  Because of their greater masculine/feminine balance, a country governed by women would create laws that would treat people more fairly.  They would not go to war easily, and they would create a more humane society than a country primarily run by men.

Technology, Spiritual Development, and the Global Masculine/Feminine Balance: When we look at the development of our species as a whole, technological development could be compared to the masculine side, while spiritual development could be compared to the feminine side. And just as balance is necessary for an individual, it is equally important for us as a species to maintain a balance between our technological and spiritual development. At the present time, the masculine or technological side is too strong compared to the feminine or spiritual side. This is a dangerous position to be in because we have technology that is capable of great destruction, but we are hardly developed enough to use it wisely. There is an expression that says "Technology and human nature are sometimes a volatile mix". This volatility is a result of the imbalance that occurs by having too much technology for our level of spiritual evolution. To correct this imbalance, it is necessary to develop the feminine side and bring it into closer balance with the masculine side, both individually and as a species. This will allow us to use our technology without misusing it, not only in areas of conflict or war, but also in areas of caring for our planet in a way that is good for her, and consequently good for us. Only then will we no longer have to feel that "Whenever we pull a technological rabbit out of a hat, we end up being disappointed by the droppings it leaves behind".

Balance Requires Developing the Feminine Side: For reasons of survival, liberation, business, and technology, most people have been able to develop the masculine side to a greater extent than the feminine. It may be that it is just easier to learn the lessons of the masculine side, but the result is that, as a species, we are left with a serious masculine/feminine imbalance. And it is a dangerous imbalance because it is a formula for hurting people and for destruction.  The time has come for our species to develop the feminine side in order to achieve a greater overall masculine/feminine balance.  It is time to recognize that the feminine side has value, and that its value lies in knowing and doing what is GOOD FOR PEOPLE. It is time to recognize that it is good for people to give and help each other, because that creates less turmoil in the world. It is time to recognize that at this moment in our evolution, most people are here to learn to develop the feminine side, because that is what will give us balance.




Everyone has both a masculine and a feminine side.
 This basic polarity is part of you whether you are a
 man or woman, boy or girl.



Overview of the Masculine-Feminine Polarity

  • Essentially, the masculine side comes from a place of strength.  Strength is at the top end of the scale, whereas weakness is at the bottom end.  In contrast, the feminine side comes from a place of goodness.  Here, goodness is at the top end of the scale, whereas badness or evil is at the bottom end.

  • You develop the strength of the masculine side by having a deep belief in the value of your own life, and you develop the goodness of the feminine side by having a deep belief in the value of the life of others.

  • The balance between the masculine and feminine side is very important.  If you have too much strength for the amount of goodness you have, you can really do a lot of harm to people.  Conversely, if you have too much goodness for the amount of strength you have, then you can do harm to yourself, because you tend to "give it all away".

  • On a more physical level, if you have a strong masculine side, you have the ability to take control of your own life, and if you have a strong feminine side, you have the ability to let go of trying to control the lives of others.  A strong feminine side keeps you from interfering with the choices that others have the right to make for themselves.

  • In terms of energy output, the masculine side always has energy available to put into accomplishing things, while the feminine side always has energy available for doing what is right or good.

  • How developed one side is compared to the other defines the balance between the masculine and feminine sides.  This balance not only determines how you treat others relative to yourself, but it also determines what types of emotions you feel most strongly.

Why do some people have a stronger masculine side while others have a stronger feminine side?  It depends to some extent on whether you are a man or a woman, because hormones do play a role, but it also depends a great deal on who you are as a Being.  That is, both the masculine and feminine sides depend on what your Inner Self has learned to become.

Printer friendly version of this page (.pdf format)

Please feel free to use as a handout